I’ve always put great emphasis, and value, on balance. To me that includes ample effort and focus on my family, which currently consists of two women (one the same age as me, the other almost two years old). And I’m also a devoted Christian.

I give you this background to position why I’ve read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. For me to serve, and lead, my family best means attempting to gain an understanding of their world. This is not about gender roles, it is about cultivating a cohesive, loving family. I would like to share three of my learnings with you.

1. You can learn a lot by just putting on the other shoes

Being willing to enter the other world is very insightful. The typical “manly” response is being opposed to exploring the feminine world, followed by grunts and puffing of shoulders. It’s not about being manly, it’s about being a man. I implore any gentleman to try, you will learn so much about your lady if you do; balance yourself.

2. We are meant to fit and balance together

Men have certain roles to play. Women have certain roles to play. And these fit perfectly together, but you must work at it and allow it. It’s two sides of the same coin. As an example, from the authors, it is key for a man to have an adventure to live (a “big” quest that he forms part of), whereas for a woman it is key to play an irreplaceable role (a role that requires her to give her all). These two works together perfectly, but only if the gentleman is willing to pull the lady into the adventure, and the lady is willing to give her all when required during this adventure.

3. Engage your counterpart to unlock their inner selves

Following the above example, it is critical for us to engage our counterparts. It is my responsibility to engage my wife and daughter, just as much as it is theirs to engage me. As a man, I need to make them part of my “adventure” or “missions” (for example my hobbies). And they need to jump in to become part of it. We often get so stuck in ourselves that we neglect this basic truth…

Closing

As I said earlier, this is not about gender roles, it is about cultivating a cohesive, loving family. And creating balance in yourself. It really is worth exploring a bit of the “other side”, it will help you be better with “your side”.

Thanks for your time.

Francis